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Twitter Wisdom 2011 – Part 1

In my last post I explained how the combination of a new year and reaching 1000 Twitter followers had given me an idea – to get words of wisdom/profundity from every follower, and create a historical list that will last the ages…

Or something.

But I realised shortly afterwards that asking 1000 people individually ain’t the easiest of jobs – so this might be project for ALL of 2011… Anyways, here is the first batch of Twitter wisdom – thanks to all the contributors!


#2 @vertoda: Buy dancing shoes. :)
#3 @JohnDennehy: Don’t put your back out in 2011. If you do, like I did, you’ll truly be part of the tilted generation.
#7 @BBCEntsTeam: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got in my pyjamas I don’t know” – Groucho Marx
#8 @_davehall: Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.
#9 @DavidOMahony: No matter how high the throne, they all sit on their arse.
#10 @mrdiscopop: Age ain’t nothing but the last three letters of sausage.
#14 @MovieMoron: A wise man does not accept his third invite to Big Momma’s house
#15 @julie13: I’d give you words of wisdom, but I’m going back to sleep. Which seems pretty wise to me. :)
#16 @celaV: This too shall pass. Good for both bad times & good.
#19 @AnnetteRoche: Take a risk every day
#22 @lorrainelarkin: Never eat yellow snow
#23 @catrinasupple: Don’t eat bread at the ” all you can eat country buffet ” it’s just a waste of seafood space!
#25 @samanthai: “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker!” (Ogden Nash)
#34 @fredchannel: FOCUS, avoid distractions, work on stuff that makes you happy, learn how to say NO, ensure to have free time.
#35 @Jimmy_Poodle: The bigger the house, the bigger the whore.
#37 @grainnemurphy: “Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – St Francis of Assisi
#40 @andylim: Eat vegetables.
#41 @clairehearty: What’s meant for you won’t pass you by
#42 @PaulBrugger: “The future depends on what we do in the present.” – Mahatma Gandhi “What will your future hold?” – Paul Brugger!
#45 @gracesmith: “If it’s to be, it’s up to me”. Go after what you believe in, what you’re passionate about and make things happen for yourself.
#46 @ClaireHammond: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow!
#49 @Dave98FM: If you’re 35 and more than a little unfit, don’t go paintballing with young, athletic professional footballers as an end-of-season blow-out. You’ll only end up dislocating your ankle, breaking your tibia in two places and your fibula in eight. Fail.
#51 @GHmltn: Even a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step!
#110 @thewonderanna: Never trust a woman with a moustache (specially if it’s bigger than yours)
#222 @justviolets: A life with too many limitations is no life at all…
#283 @kate0404: Live your life to the fullest, because lots of people are dying who have never died before.
#443 @MaurizioC: Follow your heart & trust your gut instinct!
#479 @sheehanpaul: Lose something? Look in the last place you’d think first, it’s always there.
#501 @Orbeeque: Going through 2011 horizontally rather than vertically will save on shoe leather
#554 @EmmaLouiseuk: Don’t let your happenings destroy your happiness.
#596 @IanQuigley: No body listens to unsolicited advice.
#621 @orlaithf: Laziness is often disguised as hyper-efficiency. Fact.
#628 @DeeJayPaulie: Don’t shoot yourself in the foot
#638 @robertbarron1: If you love what you work at…it never feels like work.
#639 @lightnessalways: Life is like a box of chocolates!.. You never know what you’re going to get!
#664 @deshocks: This too shall pass.
#671 @QueenAnnmarie: Marriage has many pains, but Celibacy has no pleasures.
#705 @jennifercma: The past is the past, we should learn from it not bring it with us. Anger/sadness/arguments should be left there so that we can grow in happiness.
#708 @Jonathanwpurvis: Treat people the way you would like to be treated.
#712 @sazzle84: You cannot create a diamond without pressure.
#756 @umnumnum_cork: If you are going to meet Steve bring your own stepladder. His poor back will thank you in years to come!!
#876 @masterfuji: Expect the worst, hope for the best and take what comes!
#912 @TheWrathOfShaun: Never take the Micky from a Chinese man with a knife.
#921 @purplesars11: “Steel of character is forged in the fires of adversity.” – Martin Luther King Jr
#930 @Lisami75: You can try to make others happy until the cows come home, but if you’re not happy then it’s all a fucking waste of time.
#971 @LauraMulligan: Never piss against the wind.
#986 @scarie: What’s for you won’t pass you.

Submit your own below!

Update: Feel free to tweet me your words of wisdom – but if you’re leaving a comment below, make sure you leave me a clue as to who you are on twitter, if it’s not obvious!

Category: Rambling  Tags: , , ,  2 Comments
1000 opportunities for profundity

2011. A new year. A time to start something fresh.

On the 25th of January, it’ll be my second Twitter birthday. And at the time of writing, I’m getting tantalisingly close to the big 1000 followers mark. With these two events in mind, I’ve been thinking of a way to mark the occasion(s).

And so, over the next few weeks, I’m going to send a message to every single follower of mine – asking a simple question: share a short piece of wisdom/profundity that we can all take with us throughout this new year. Easy peasy.

All replies will posted here on the blog – a lasting directory of wise/humourous/daft words.

Make me proud guys and gals.

Update: As with all great ideas, there’s always the little details that slow you down. Like the actual time involved in messaging nearly 1000 people individually. Yikes. So please feel free to send on your contributions whenever you like – by tweet or comment below. Can we do it? Yes we can!

Update: 1000 followers!

Category: Rambling  Tags: ,  13 Comments
Twitter Lonely Hearts

Following on from the Scottish Lonely Hearts ads (see previous entry) – the time seemed right to give Twitter-folk the opportunity to open their hearts – to cry out for that someone special – to find just one person to share this big wide world with.

In a highly non-serious fashion of course.

So it was only fair that I got the ball rolling – and it was absolutely necessary that I ticked all the major loves in my life…

Tall Irishman seeks desperate female for boozing and xbox appreciation. Ladies under 5ft must supply own stepladder. Cake-making is a serious plus.

Now let’s watch the Twitter people pour their hearts out…

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: COMPUTER GEEK WANTED that knows all the right buttons to push. Must know way around hard drive. Rebooting skills a plus. Training required.

Anna Clara Soares annaclarasoares: South-American beauty, toilet trained and vaccinated, looks for billionaire aged 80+ for sincere and passionate relationship.

Lisa Millar lisam75: Impatient, fat, grumpy mum of 2 seeks obscenely rich guitarist with beard. Must have own teeth, walk in wardrobe, and cleaner.

Gina Byrne ByGina: Twitteraholic seeks illiterate husband, i.e. won’t read out tweets as you type, ask inane questions and give out about ‘bloody twitting’.

Samanthai samanthai: Mild Schizophrenic, 37, seeks well-hung male for festive candle-lit dinners, drinking, the odd S&M sexcapade – dancer a plus!

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: BAD HABIT WANTED!! Don’t have to be Mr. Right just Mr. Right Now!! No experience necessary, just a strong desire to learn.

*Michelle Rice* SkittleMittens: Female ex-circus performer, 22, seeks male, hairy, into animals, mutual shaving and adult nappies. Freaks need not apply.

Arlene Harrison VioletsCRUK: Homely dominatrix seeks gimp for walks on the beach, attending knitting classes and candle wax on the nipples. Good whipping skills a must!

Mr Doo scooby867: Male wannabe Liverpool FC captain seeks female, blondette, into cartoon dogs, away ground quickies and jaffacakes. Big boobs not essential.

Category: humour  Tags: , ,  3 Comments
The “insert a word into a tweet” game – Round 1

The challenge was simple – I give you a random word, and you have to include it in a message on Twitter. You can’t let on that you’re playing the game – and you have to act like it’s the most normal thing you’ve ever said. Easy!

Or was it? Let’s see how our contestants fared…

It started off as a simple way to waste 10 minutes between @VioletsCRUK and my good self.  Words such as emu, bejeweled, underthings and trumpet were fired back and forth…



We handled those superbly as I’m sure you’ll agree.  Once the game was opened up to the whole twitter world – things got even more interesting…

@juleser started things off in a lovely way by talking about ‘spittle’


Then, in a superb bit of timing, @NiallOK replied to that very tweet with his own word: ‘fisticuffs’


Meanwhile, @DeeDeeRouge was writing one of my favourites of the day – how can you not admire some Sinatra inclusion for ‘snooty’?


@MuzzioMom shared an interesting factoid with ‘badger’…


…while @Anne11Duke went down a scientific road that Darwin would be proud of with ‘hormones’.


@Healium shared some personal information about his ‘banshee’-like aunt…


…but @lisam75 was more focused on her shoes with their ‘squeegee’ shine.


Elsewhere, @GarethOShea was feeling the pressure with his ‘tomfoolery’


…something that @Disklabs could sympathise with as he dealt with‘ostrich’-like staff.


Avoiding such stresses, @Treagus was simply relieved that she wasn’t ‘mustachioed’


…whereas @MammaSteph was just watching the time ‘slither’ by.


And finally, @julie13 was simply happy to muse on future ‘saxophone’ purchases…


And there you have it, the 1st Annual Insert A Word Into A Tweet Awards - simply rolls off the tongue doesn’t it.  Congratulations to all the contestants – you woffled superbly.

Sign up now for next year! (or possibly sooner)

Category: games  Tags: , ,  7 Comments