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Twitter Lonely Hearts

Following on from the Scottish Lonely Hearts ads (see previous entry) – the time seemed right to give Twitter-folk the opportunity to open their hearts – to cry out for that someone special – to find just one person to share this big wide world with.

In a highly non-serious fashion of course.

So it was only fair that I got the ball rolling – and it was absolutely necessary that I ticked all the major loves in my life…

Tall Irishman seeks desperate female for boozing and xbox appreciation. Ladies under 5ft must supply own stepladder. Cake-making is a serious plus.

Now let’s watch the Twitter people pour their hearts out…

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: COMPUTER GEEK WANTED that knows all the right buttons to push. Must know way around hard drive. Rebooting skills a plus. Training required.

Anna Clara Soares annaclarasoares: South-American beauty, toilet trained and vaccinated, looks for billionaire aged 80+ for sincere and passionate relationship.

Lisa Millar lisam75: Impatient, fat, grumpy mum of 2 seeks obscenely rich guitarist with beard. Must have own teeth, walk in wardrobe, and cleaner.

Gina Byrne ByGina: Twitteraholic seeks illiterate husband, i.e. won’t read out tweets as you type, ask inane questions and give out about ‘bloody twitting’.

Samanthai samanthai: Mild Schizophrenic, 37, seeks well-hung male for festive candle-lit dinners, drinking, the odd S&M sexcapade – dancer a plus!

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: BAD HABIT WANTED!! Don’t have to be Mr. Right just Mr. Right Now!! No experience necessary, just a strong desire to learn.

*Michelle Rice* SkittleMittens: Female ex-circus performer, 22, seeks male, hairy, into animals, mutual shaving and adult nappies. Freaks need not apply.

Arlene Harrison VioletsCRUK: Homely dominatrix seeks gimp for walks on the beach, attending knitting classes and candle wax on the nipples. Good whipping skills a must!

Mr Doo scooby867: Male wannabe Liverpool FC captain seeks female, blondette, into cartoon dogs, away ground quickies and jaffacakes. Big boobs not essential.

Category: humour  Tags: , ,  3 Comments