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Twitter Lonely Hearts

Following on from the Scottish Lonely Hearts ads (see previous entry) – the time seemed right to give Twitter-folk the opportunity to open their hearts – to cry out for that someone special – to find just one person to share this big wide world with.

In a highly non-serious fashion of course.

So it was only fair that I got the ball rolling – and it was absolutely necessary that I ticked all the major loves in my life…

Tall Irishman seeks desperate female for boozing and xbox appreciation. Ladies under 5ft must supply own stepladder. Cake-making is a serious plus.

Now let’s watch the Twitter people pour their hearts out…

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: COMPUTER GEEK WANTED that knows all the right buttons to push. Must know way around hard drive. Rebooting skills a plus. Training required.

Anna Clara Soares annaclarasoares: South-American beauty, toilet trained and vaccinated, looks for billionaire aged 80+ for sincere and passionate relationship.

Lisa Millar lisam75: Impatient, fat, grumpy mum of 2 seeks obscenely rich guitarist with beard. Must have own teeth, walk in wardrobe, and cleaner.

Gina Byrne ByGina: Twitteraholic seeks illiterate husband, i.e. won’t read out tweets as you type, ask inane questions and give out about ‘bloody twitting’.

Samanthai samanthai: Mild Schizophrenic, 37, seeks well-hung male for festive candle-lit dinners, drinking, the odd S&M sexcapade – dancer a plus!

Anne Cecil-Kempski Anne11Duke: BAD HABIT WANTED!! Don’t have to be Mr. Right just Mr. Right Now!! No experience necessary, just a strong desire to learn.

*Michelle Rice* SkittleMittens: Female ex-circus performer, 22, seeks male, hairy, into animals, mutual shaving and adult nappies. Freaks need not apply.

Arlene Harrison VioletsCRUK: Homely dominatrix seeks gimp for walks on the beach, attending knitting classes and candle wax on the nipples. Good whipping skills a must!

Mr Doo scooby867: Male wannabe Liverpool FC captain seeks female, blondette, into cartoon dogs, away ground quickies and jaffacakes. Big boobs not essential.

Category: humour  Tags: , ,
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3 Responses
  1. Samantha says:

    I find it curious that you’re the only male man enough to post an ad… more proof that women are more adventurous and fun… except for the occasional man that’s willing to put it ALL out there, shake it, and show it off… (wink, wink).

  2. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Carol Custodio, Anna Clara Soares. Anna Clara Soares said: RT @SteveHealy Twitter Lonely Hearts : http://bit.ly/wiNlb – Tweet me your own comedy versions and I'll add them to the list :) [...]

  3. Steve says:

    Samantha: Well we finally have another macho man joining in – I knew there were men out there also looking for love ;)

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